Fight back Friday: No one is better than you!

We all have self doubt.  Sometimes it's just us seeing someone else with something we want and not thinking that we are good enough.  Sometime it's fueled by what someone else says to you or makes a comment about.

Me:  I don't feel like shopping all day Saturday.
Mom:  Why?  I did it when I was pregnant with you!  Infact the morning you were born I was out shopping
Me:  Sorry mom, I'm not you.

Sometimes it's hard for us to admit that we aren't that other person that we can't do something.  Sometimes we even find ourselves lashing out at the other person even if we don't know them.

I can write a better novel than her, she writes about sparkly vampires.  My characters are real.

Do we mean that?  Do we even realize what we are saying when we say things like that?  There are so many times that I have been jealous of other people.  Girls who had more lavish weddings than me, had an easy pregnancy, and especially people that have gotten published or found agents right away when I've struggled with it for over a year...but you know what?

No one is better than me.

I'm not saying that in a selfish way, but I think that we all need to realize that we are who we are and we can't compare ourselves with others to make ourselves feel better or worse about ourselves.  What is that really helping?  Sure, I can talk about some bad books that were published all that I want, but what is it going to change?  Is it really going to make me a better writer or going to make me a better person?

The answer is No.

What I want every reader to take away from this is that no matter what people say to you, no matter what you may read on a blog or see in a magazine-- no one is better than you.  You are an individual and a great person in your own right and the more you let those bad things get to you the more it takes you away from doing those things that you love.

So today I challenge you to put away the heart ache and self doubt and remember that no one is better than you!

What do you do to help self doubt?  How do you ignore those things that say 'she/he is better than me?

Tell All Tuesday

Why I deactivated Facebook.

When I started college, in 2005, Facebook was just a college thing. You could go on, meet your fellow classmates, post pictures from parties, and do whatever other crazy things that came along with facebook. Then it branched out from college students to high schoolers and before long anybody with a name and a an e-mail account could have facebook. I have seen people get turned down for jobs because of inappropriate pictures, articles about teenagers committing suicide because of something that someone wrote on their Facebook wall.

Sure Facebook is good for some things like promoting yourself, networking, keeping up with old friends, or sharing your pictures. But when I really started to look at all the bad things it was bringing into my life I knew that it was toxic. I was spending my spare time checking other people’s facebook statuses instead of living in the real world. I knew when I sat there crying because someone put something mean about me on facebook (hello pregnancy hormones) that me and facebook definitely had to break it off.

I’m not saying that I’ll never go back to facebook because I do like keeping in touch with my friends from high school or seeing people’s pictures from vacation. But if they really are my friends and not just my facebook friends then I should be able to talk to them not just via facebook. I will still keep my Twitter and this blog going, but my life sans facebook will probably give me more time to blog, edit my manuscript, and more importantly live in the real world instead of the facebook one.

Words that changed my life.

There are certain things that I have been told throughout my life. There are the usual "Good jobs," or "Better luck next time." But these words...these are the ones that truly shaped the future yours truly.

-"If you keep eating all those cookies you're going to get fatter."
I was about four or five years old and I was at the beauty supply house with my mom. (My mom used to be a hairdresser.) Well while my mom shopped for hair essentials I stood by this little table where they had a tray of cookies and a water cooler. There I just sat happily munching on cookies. I was perfectly content until a little boy (probably about four) came over to me and said "If you keep eating all those cookies you're going to get fatter." Then his older sister and he giggled and ran off. I remember crying to my mom later about it and her trying to comfort me, but the truth is that I was a very chubby little girl. In high school I thinned out a bit, but not much. And those stupid little words that that little boy told me years ago will still haunt me even today. I know it's silly, but something like that can really affect someone. Even when I'm obviously by no means "fat" now I still obviously look back on that situation and just think on how mean some people can be.

-"It's because you're not pretty."
This story is actually funny. There was one of the popular girls (or as we called them at school 'the preps') who we shall call 'Bobo' who was very ethnic looking and caked on more makeup than a Drag Queen. Well Bobo got mad at me during Algebra and told me I didn't get something because "I wasn't pretty." You would think (after reading my other blogs) that I must have just cried, right? No, instead I actually said "If pretty is wearing a mask of makeup I don't want that." Then why include how much of an affect this has on me? Because I went years thinking I wasn't pretty. Then I go off to college, lose about 50 lbs, and constantly have had boys from my high school and past literally grovelling or hitting on me when I go back home. (No I'm not bragging, it's actually kind of weird...) But the best part of this all is where Bobo is now. At 23, Bobo is divorced with two kids and still wears more makeup than a drag queen. Whose not pretty now?

-"Don't have so much self-doubt."
I'm getting wordy so this is going to be my last one. This is one of my new favorite lines. I was getting quite a lot of rejections from my manuscript and after a critique group meeting I was starting to think that I just sucked as a writer. Well I called my good friend, (I'm not mentioning names again so she will be called Goat. For reasons only she will understand.) and she told me that I had alot of "self doubt." She told me that my writing was good and I should give myself more credit. I realized how much in my every day life that I do have self doubt and in-turn will just let people walk all over me. (Hey the punching bag is trying to fight back, I just need to warm up a bit!) But then as soon as I got home thinking "Poor me, I'm a loser and I'm just going to work as a peon in the insurance bix for ever." Then I check my e-mail and get e-mails from TWO of my top agent choices requesting partial manuscripts of my story. Needless to say that self doubt started to rub off a bit and I went to Red Lobster to celebrate...and then I got food poisoning...but that's another story.

The moral of the story is: Words are just that, words. You can write them, say them, read them, but they are nothing more than just writing. So take all those words that hurt or harm you and use them to your advantage. Use those words as your "punches," and remember life goes on.