Thursday, March 4, 2010

Words that changed my life.

There are certain things that I have been told throughout my life. There are the usual "Good jobs," or "Better luck next time." But these words...these are the ones that truly shaped the future yours truly.

-"If you keep eating all those cookies you're going to get fatter."
I was about four or five years old and I was at the beauty supply house with my mom. (My mom used to be a hairdresser.) Well while my mom shopped for hair essentials I stood by this little table where they had a tray of cookies and a water cooler. There I just sat happily munching on cookies. I was perfectly content until a little boy (probably about four) came over to me and said "If you keep eating all those cookies you're going to get fatter." Then his older sister and he giggled and ran off. I remember crying to my mom later about it and her trying to comfort me, but the truth is that I was a very chubby little girl. In high school I thinned out a bit, but not much. And those stupid little words that that little boy told me years ago will still haunt me even today. I know it's silly, but something like that can really affect someone. Even when I'm obviously by no means "fat" now I still obviously look back on that situation and just think on how mean some people can be.

-"It's because you're not pretty."
This story is actually funny. There was one of the popular girls (or as we called them at school 'the preps') who we shall call 'Bobo' who was very ethnic looking and caked on more makeup than a Drag Queen. Well Bobo got mad at me during Algebra and told me I didn't get something because "I wasn't pretty." You would think (after reading my other blogs) that I must have just cried, right? No, instead I actually said "If pretty is wearing a mask of makeup I don't want that." Then why include how much of an affect this has on me? Because I went years thinking I wasn't pretty. Then I go off to college, lose about 50 lbs, and constantly have had boys from my high school and past literally grovelling or hitting on me when I go back home. (No I'm not bragging, it's actually kind of weird...) But the best part of this all is where Bobo is now. At 23, Bobo is divorced with two kids and still wears more makeup than a drag queen. Whose not pretty now?

-"Don't have so much self-doubt."
I'm getting wordy so this is going to be my last one. This is one of my new favorite lines. I was getting quite a lot of rejections from my manuscript and after a critique group meeting I was starting to think that I just sucked as a writer. Well I called my good friend, (I'm not mentioning names again so she will be called Goat. For reasons only she will understand.) and she told me that I had alot of "self doubt." She told me that my writing was good and I should give myself more credit. I realized how much in my every day life that I do have self doubt and in-turn will just let people walk all over me. (Hey the punching bag is trying to fight back, I just need to warm up a bit!) But then as soon as I got home thinking "Poor me, I'm a loser and I'm just going to work as a peon in the insurance bix for ever." Then I check my e-mail and get e-mails from TWO of my top agent choices requesting partial manuscripts of my story. Needless to say that self doubt started to rub off a bit and I went to Red Lobster to celebrate...and then I got food poisoning...but that's another story.

The moral of the story is: Words are just that, words. You can write them, say them, read them, but they are nothing more than just writing. So take all those words that hurt or harm you and use them to your advantage. Use those words as your "punches," and remember life goes on.

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