Thursday, April 1, 2010

In all seriousness

I am grumpy, so you are going to get one of the realest posts anyone will ever post.

October 2nd, 2009 will be a day that I will always remember. I was at work and talking to one of my consultants when I felt like I peed my pants. Embarassed, I ran to the bathroom and found that I was massively bleeding. No, not like period bleeding, but basically I thought I was dying and had bled through my pants and everything. (Yes I know it's graphic). So I told someone that it was an emergency and immediatley called my gyno before heading over there.

I didn't know what to expect. I had problems with my "Aunt Flo," ever since I first got it when I was 11, and when I was eighteen I had cancer cells removed from my cervix, but this was differant and I knew it. The doctor had me get an ultra sound and it was immediatley clear that I had Polycystic ovary syndrome or PCOS.

What is PCOS? Well the simpliest way to explain it is that every woman gets cysts, but they go away. My cysts don't go away, but they REALLY want to, so every month they just rumble and complain and cause extreme cramping. The bleeding was caused by being given a birth control that wasn't as strong as it should be and wasn't controlling my Uterus. Incidentlly I was immediatley put on another form of birth control and another medication, because lucky for me, some of the other side effects of PCOS include: weight gain, out of wack insulin levels, excessive hair growth, horrible periods, oh and the worst of them...INFERTILITY.

Have you ever felt broken before? Well when the docotr says that they don't have high hopes for your fertility from what they see on a screen makes you feel pretty broken.

This, my friends, has been one of my hardest battles. When it's my time of the month I'm usually on some heavy pain killers, I have to take two huge horse pills every night, and it's a constant battle in my head, "Will I be able to have kids or not?"

It's gotten better the past couple of months. I don't get mad everytime someone gets pregnant now, or cry as much as I used to. It's truly made me a stronger person and let's face it; nothing is completely uncertain in life.

So next time you're down, just remember that there are always uncertainties, there is always going to be a new mountain to climb, but you have to keep fighting. If I don't keep fighting than there may never be a little mini me walking around, whether it be one that is natural born or one that I adopt, only good things will come.

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