Envy. Envious. Envy.
It's sucha mysterious word in itself. When I see the word envy I just think, "Ohhh man someone is feeling something strong!" Okay...officially the blogosphere now knows that I am a nerd.
My post today is about writer envy; something that I am all too familiar with. An agent rejects me, but someone with a book that I couldn't even stand to get past the first 30 pages has a 12 book series? (Oh yeah, you know this one). Not only this, but I have more self doubt than anyone. If one perosn rejects me I start to really thing, "Well gee maybe I'm not that as super awesome as my dog thinks I am."
But that sense of writer's envy is hard to shake and I really hate it. I hate that I actually get frustrated or upset when I see someone get published or an author with all these fans whose really "made it," and I'm strugglign with my little manuscript. It really makes me wonder alot if my manuscript is good enough, but then I do have those loyal fans (Lynsey I'm looking at you!) that keep pushing me! I've thought many times of starting a new project, but I just LOVE LOVE LOVE these characters so much that they are hard to put on the shelf. After Nanowrimo I may be singing a differant tune, but for now Libby Gentry + Blaine Crabtree= Magan's loveable characters.
So instead of playing this envious game I've decided to do something about. I officially sent in my papers for RWA and I'm going to my first critique group at Denny's on April 7th (DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY DON'T DO THE PEPPERMINT CAPPACINO THERE ANYMORE?) I mean that's not my only reason for going, but you know it's a good one.
In other punching bag news...I got the clearance from my doctor to be able to take boxing. Apparently I'm "angry," (who would have known after I just talked about how I think the word envy is cool?) and boxing can help anger management. I just need to take it easy if I bleed...
So keep your eyes peeled for more on my boxing days (wouldn't that make a great story? The insurance girl turned semi-pro boxer? HOT)