Thursday, December 30, 2010

It's just a game.

Originally I was going to do an obligatory end of the year post and even title it as so, but after watching my beloved Mizzou Tigers lose to the Farm boys of the University of Iowa, I had a different idea for a blog post.  (I also decided to break my own rules and post on a Thursday when I normally do M-W-F, I'm SUCH a rebel).



I can’t pretend like part of me didn’t take it personally that Iowa and Mizzou were playing each other in a bowl game.  Some friends I had a falling out with this year went to Iowa and were kind of pretentious about the fact that they went to a Big 10 school and about their football program.  (Mind you I didn’t go to Mizzou, but my husband’s family went there and have season tickets so we are big fans).

I was selfish.  I used my prayers that night to pray that Mizzou would beat Iowa and admitted that I felt like Mizzou losing would mean that I had lost to these people that had been so mean to me.  When my husband came home, from a friend’s house, after the game and told me that Missouri lost by 3 points I was pretty upset, but then he said something that changed everything.

It’s just a game.

Those four little words changed everything.  It is just a game, it doesn’t change who I am or who these other people are.  It doesn’t make me any less of a Mizzou fan or make me any less of a person because my team lost.  I then realized how much this has applied to my year in 2010.

In December/January I finished my first novel and did one of the biggest mistakes a writer could make…I loosely edited it and started querying it in February before it was ready.  I faced a lot of rejections on my query, but I was okay with that.  I started working on my query and even got a few beta readers for the novel.  By March I actually had my first full request and I was overjoyed, but if you’ve read this blog then you realize that it turned into a rejection.  I cried..ALOT.  I made my husband come home early from hanging out with his friends to find me sobbing in bed with a box of Girl Scout cookies.  He sat down next to me and said, “It was only one rejection.  It doesn’t make you any less of a writer.  If you’re going to get this way over one little rejection then maybe you shouldn’t write anymore.”

It’s just a game.  It’s just a rejection.

I picked up the pieces and—after finishing my box of Thin Mints because you really shouldn’t waste those—I started a plan.  I knew that writing was something that I loved and I shouldn’t just quit after one rejection.  I joined RWA, found critique partners, and joined a local writers group.  In that time I also just happened to get married and go on an amazing honeymoon to Sicily.  By the time I got back I was refreshed, I had a new query, and a completely revised manuscript that I started querying and was getting full and partial requests left and right.  None of them ended up in anything more than rejections, so I had decided that I wanted to take some time and really focus on writing…maybe even go part-time at work, but then something changed.  I got pregnant.

It’s just a game.

Another road block, so I thought.  I can’t write full-time and not work, how will I afford child care?  So I put those dreams aside and stayed at my job full-time.  I also realized that maybe it was time to start working on another novel.  So in the fall of 2010 I started a YA sci-fi manuscript.  I never realized how much having a child could change my writing and how much BETTER this manuscript was than the other one.  All of a sudden I cared if my future child would read this manuscript and how I wanted her to have a heroine to look up to.  I was on a writing high.  I had tons of blog followers, people telling me they loved my new story and even published authors talking to me.  Then a contest I had entered my original manuscript in had informed that I hadn’t won and I got some unkind feedback…

It’s just a game.

I wanted to cry. I may love my new manuscript, but that one was my first—my baby.  That’s when I really had to re-evaluate.  Do I continue trying to query this manuscript, revise the whole thing with suggestions, or shelf it and continue with the sci-fi?  I chose the latter.  It didn’t change how I felt about the manuscript, but deep down I must have known that it wasn’t right for me.  Just like the Mizzou tigers. I don’t hate my manuscript for not being able to land an agent and it doesn’t make me any less of a writer because I had one manuscript that wasn’t loved by everyone.  It doesn’t make me any less of a Mizzou fan because they lost or make the Iowa fans any better than me because their team won their game.  Just like it doesn’t make me any less of a writer because other writers have gotten agents before me or publishing contracts.  In the end…  It’s just a game.

I hope you all have a joyous New Year and that 2011 brings you all the joys and happiness that you could ask for.  But if it doesn’t always remember:

It’s just a game.

5 comments:

  1. I love this post. It's hard, but you've got a great attitude. I wish you the best of luck for 2011--keep writing!

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  2. Magan, You are incredibly talented, witty, and people love to read what you write. Look at the following you have on here and Twitter, your people love you, and that's all before you are published! Keep writing, the world is waiting to hear from you.
    Kienna

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  3. This is my favourite end of year post I've read so far. x

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  4. Grazie all! If you made it this far this means that you read the whole thing!

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  5. Wonderful post, Magan! Sorry I'm late in commenting, but it's been busy here. I hope you have a wonderful new year! :)

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